A Facebook Story

I spent the last week or so telling a story through my facebook status. Sorry for the improper paragraphing, but it's how the story appeared as I told it.


There once was a man from the planet of Gargleforzpitt. He was a lonely old man with no relatives or friends. Every morning he'd wake up and eat a breakfast of Klare eggs and go tend to his garden of Cayren roots and hairy corn. For lunch he'd sip on a beer and eat a Elizard steak. Today his lunch was interrupted by a rude knock on his door.

The old man opened the door and was greeted by a young man with slicked back hair. The old man said 'I ought to slay you for interrupting my beer.' the young man apologized and explained, 'Mr. Ribbit, I'm sorry to inform you that your wife has passed away.' 'I never married.' 'I'm afraid you did, allow me to explain.'

the young man asked, 'You once visited the planet of Snottfaze did you not?' 'I did' 'Well, on that planet you once winked at a girl at a party, she sat next to you and whispered sweet nothings in your ear.' 'I vaguely remember that.' 'That was a wedding ceremony. Your wink was your proposal.' 'Damn.' 'Well sir, she left you her estate on Snottfaze.' 'Why?' 'I'll explain if you follow me.'

the young man led Mr. Ribbit to a vehicle and they drove all the way to the capital city of Gargleforzpitt. The young man explained that Mrs. Ribbit was all for a simple marriage and that she didn't fuss that her husband ignored her a lot. She had grown quite wealthy over the years when she inherited a tissue farm from her father. Unfortunately she succumbed to a dreadful disease...

'I'm sorry... what disease did you say it was?' 'Sinus infection.' 'She died from a sinus infection?' 'The worst kind of sinus infection!' 'So she left me her entire estate did she?' 'Well, er, yes.' 'You hesitated.' 'Yes she left you her entire estate... but...' 'But?' 'She wanted you to prove your love to her before you could receive it.'

The old man grasped at his thinning hair and shouted, 'I have to prove my love for a woman I didn't even know?' the young man nodded and smiled 'she had a very specific trial she wanted you to go through to prove your love' he opened the door to his office and approached his desk where he pulled out a box, carved to the top was 'TO MY LOVE: CHARLES RIBBIT

Mr. Ribbit held the ornate wooden box with trembling hands. 'What's inside?' he asked. 'They key to her estate.' the young man replied. He explained, 'To open the box you have to travel to the distant planet of Kreenflemm, and battle the eight elder giants for the key to the box. This is what she requires of you... will you do it?' Mr. Ribbit again looked down at the box...

Mr. Ribbit handed the box to the young man and said 'I didn't love her, and I don't need an estate. I've only got a few years left in my bones and I'd like to spend it drinking beer and tending to my garden. Thank you very much, this has been a fascinating evening.' and with that Mr. Ribbit went back to his old house and old farm and lived by himself happily ever after. The End.

Scavengers

I've been thinking lately about opening an e-bay business up. Entirely because the economy in my area is doing very poorly... nearly 20% unemployment in the county. I had been taking stuff to pawn shops so I could get a buck here and there and recently they all started refusing to give out cash. Credit only.

Scary times.

So maybe selling stuff on e-bay would be more fruitful? The only problem is, I'm starting to run low on things I'm willing to part with...
The good news?
My neighbors' house got repossessed and they left most of their crap in the backyard getting bleached by the sun. A few months passed and I decided to check out what was back there. Junk galore and some pretty cool action figures!

I wonder if Scavenging is becoming more popular in today's America. The recession doesn't seem to have an end in sight despite some idiots claiming it will end this year. Unfortunately it won't. America's got some deep running economic issues that will take time to sort out. Not to mention the millions of unemployed people right now. Can anyone honestly say they think 26 million people will get their jobs back before the year is over?

Scavenging could be good for Americans too! It would increase our recycling because people would be looking to re-use things that other Americans deemed as trash. All the trash would have the opportunity to be re-used once more either by the scavengers, or cleaned up and sold by the scavengers to thrifty Americans.

Plus the rotting food of landfills is likely to be chock full of wonderful probiotic bacteria! Landfill food just might be healthy for you. Eat that slightly moldy slice of pizza and you've got yummy bacteria in your body and you can boost your immune system.

So what do YOU think? Should we start scavenging a little more? Is there shame in digging in someone's trash? Would you chow down on some gnarly chinese food?

Here's some helpful links
Scavenging Dumps for Survival
Could YOU survive in a dump?

Immortality

Is it really wrong to desire immortality? The media often portrays it as something that a villain desires and something that corrupts.

But why? Why is it wrong to want to continue experiencing the world? Why must we submit to death? Why shouldn't we live forever?

Should we spread life?

I cringe every time people panic about possible contamination of Mars. Why is this bad?

What if we find out Mars is a sterile environment? Would we pout and ignore the barren wasteland?

We work hard to bring life to deserts, we plant trees where there are no trees, all over Earth we spread life and seem to infect everything with it. We touch otherwise pristine objects, covering it in bacteria and viruses. We spread life everywhere sometimes intentionally, sometimes on accident.

Why on another planet is this a bad thing? On our planet we've been fortunate to have perfect conditions for life to not only develop, but become staggeringly complex. I think we owe it to the universe to spread the gift of life to everything around us. We've become intelligent enough that we are beginning to scratch the surface of creating new life so why not engineer a couple of slime molds that would thrive on Mars? Why don't we create some nematodes that burrow deep into the moon? Why not create some bouyant life forms that can float through the gas giants?

What if we are alone in the universe? This shouldn't be depressing, it should be something exciting. We would have the opportunity to become the progenitors of all life everywhere. We might find planets that do have life but nothing intelligent... why not enlighten the planet?

If the universe is barren, I believe it is our duty to spread life throughout the cosmos.

Achievement Unlocked

Today I went 88 MPH.

Connecting to the Internet with Mindbullets

Today I was cooking porkchops with sauerkraut and I thought to myself, "I bet it's not hard to make sauerkraut by myself."

And then I tried to google search it. With my mind. Oops.

Stuff like that happens to me a lot... sometimes I'll be reading a book and glance to the corner to see what time it is, or imagine IM conversations in my head when I'm lonely... instead of imagining someone real like real crazy people do.

Someday I'm sure that won't be so crazy - in fact I'll probably be at an advantage by already trying to do it in my head.

I hope that someday I can have a chip implanted in my skull and next time I wonder how easy it is to cook something I'll just download a recipe into my head. I'll have all of the chef's knowledge at my fingert- no... all of the world's knowledge at my fingertips.


And I'll watch youtube poop in my head all day long, giggling to myself.