Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
June 11, 2009
Playing in Zero-G
Remember that... if you're ever on a space station and need to get somewhere fast, quickly give someone a high-five.
found on Technovelgy
June 3, 2009
May 31, 2009
A Facebook Story
I spent the last week or so telling a story through my facebook status. Sorry for the improper paragraphing, but it's how the story appeared as I told it.
There once was a man from the planet of Gargleforzpitt. He was a lonely old man with no relatives or friends. Every morning he'd wake up and eat a breakfast of Klare eggs and go tend to his garden of Cayren roots and hairy corn. For lunch he'd sip on a beer and eat a Elizard steak. Today his lunch was interrupted by a rude knock on his door.
The old man opened the door and was greeted by a young man with slicked back hair. The old man said 'I ought to slay you for interrupting my beer.' the young man apologized and explained, 'Mr. Ribbit, I'm sorry to inform you that your wife has passed away.' 'I never married.' 'I'm afraid you did, allow me to explain.'
the young man asked, 'You once visited the planet of Snottfaze did you not?' 'I did' 'Well, on that planet you once winked at a girl at a party, she sat next to you and whispered sweet nothings in your ear.' 'I vaguely remember that.' 'That was a wedding ceremony. Your wink was your proposal.' 'Damn.' 'Well sir, she left you her estate on Snottfaze.' 'Why?' 'I'll explain if you follow me.'
the young man led Mr. Ribbit to a vehicle and they drove all the way to the capital city of Gargleforzpitt. The young man explained that Mrs. Ribbit was all for a simple marriage and that she didn't fuss that her husband ignored her a lot. She had grown quite wealthy over the years when she inherited a tissue farm from her father. Unfortunately she succumbed to a dreadful disease...
'I'm sorry... what disease did you say it was?' 'Sinus infection.' 'She died from a sinus infection?' 'The worst kind of sinus infection!' 'So she left me her entire estate did she?' 'Well, er, yes.' 'You hesitated.' 'Yes she left you her entire estate... but...' 'But?' 'She wanted you to prove your love to her before you could receive it.'
The old man grasped at his thinning hair and shouted, 'I have to prove my love for a woman I didn't even know?' the young man nodded and smiled 'she had a very specific trial she wanted you to go through to prove your love' he opened the door to his office and approached his desk where he pulled out a box, carved to the top was 'TO MY LOVE: CHARLES RIBBIT
Mr. Ribbit held the ornate wooden box with trembling hands. 'What's inside?' he asked. 'They key to her estate.' the young man replied. He explained, 'To open the box you have to travel to the distant planet of Kreenflemm, and battle the eight elder giants for the key to the box. This is what she requires of you... will you do it?' Mr. Ribbit again looked down at the box...
Mr. Ribbit handed the box to the young man and said 'I didn't love her, and I don't need an estate. I've only got a few years left in my bones and I'd like to spend it drinking beer and tending to my garden. Thank you very much, this has been a fascinating evening.' and with that Mr. Ribbit went back to his old house and old farm and lived by himself happily ever after. The End.
There once was a man from the planet of Gargleforzpitt. He was a lonely old man with no relatives or friends. Every morning he'd wake up and eat a breakfast of Klare eggs and go tend to his garden of Cayren roots and hairy corn. For lunch he'd sip on a beer and eat a Elizard steak. Today his lunch was interrupted by a rude knock on his door.
The old man opened the door and was greeted by a young man with slicked back hair. The old man said 'I ought to slay you for interrupting my beer.' the young man apologized and explained, 'Mr. Ribbit, I'm sorry to inform you that your wife has passed away.' 'I never married.' 'I'm afraid you did, allow me to explain.'
the young man asked, 'You once visited the planet of Snottfaze did you not?' 'I did' 'Well, on that planet you once winked at a girl at a party, she sat next to you and whispered sweet nothings in your ear.' 'I vaguely remember that.' 'That was a wedding ceremony. Your wink was your proposal.' 'Damn.' 'Well sir, she left you her estate on Snottfaze.' 'Why?' 'I'll explain if you follow me.'
the young man led Mr. Ribbit to a vehicle and they drove all the way to the capital city of Gargleforzpitt. The young man explained that Mrs. Ribbit was all for a simple marriage and that she didn't fuss that her husband ignored her a lot. She had grown quite wealthy over the years when she inherited a tissue farm from her father. Unfortunately she succumbed to a dreadful disease...
'I'm sorry... what disease did you say it was?' 'Sinus infection.' 'She died from a sinus infection?' 'The worst kind of sinus infection!' 'So she left me her entire estate did she?' 'Well, er, yes.' 'You hesitated.' 'Yes she left you her entire estate... but...' 'But?' 'She wanted you to prove your love to her before you could receive it.'
The old man grasped at his thinning hair and shouted, 'I have to prove my love for a woman I didn't even know?' the young man nodded and smiled 'she had a very specific trial she wanted you to go through to prove your love' he opened the door to his office and approached his desk where he pulled out a box, carved to the top was 'TO MY LOVE: CHARLES RIBBIT
Mr. Ribbit held the ornate wooden box with trembling hands. 'What's inside?' he asked. 'They key to her estate.' the young man replied. He explained, 'To open the box you have to travel to the distant planet of Kreenflemm, and battle the eight elder giants for the key to the box. This is what she requires of you... will you do it?' Mr. Ribbit again looked down at the box...
Mr. Ribbit handed the box to the young man and said 'I didn't love her, and I don't need an estate. I've only got a few years left in my bones and I'd like to spend it drinking beer and tending to my garden. Thank you very much, this has been a fascinating evening.' and with that Mr. Ribbit went back to his old house and old farm and lived by himself happily ever after. The End.
May 24, 2009
January 1, 2009
New Years Predictions
Edit: Novah did one too.
Time for some new year's predictions :D
January
Obama will be sworn in. By the end of the month Republicans will already be blaming the country's problems on him.
February
Springlike weather will arrive early this year.
March
School shooting results in a federal ban on ammunition.
April
Steve Jobs will finally admit that he has declining health and may not live much longer.
May
Religious extremists bomb abortion clinics.
June
Scientists warn of drought and the hottest summer in recorded history.
Summer starts off with a "bang".
July
The LHC will be delayed due to another malfunction.
Some countries withdraw their support.
August
Severe drought will cause food and water shortages around the world.
Many die.
September
More threats of terrorism coming from some surprising sources.
October
A kid is killed in Alaska for dressing as a polar bear for Halloween.
November
Christmas decorations are put up near the beginning of the month instead of waiting until after Thanksgiving.
Even more "Black-Friday" violence that no one seems to react to.
December
Smaller holiday season this year with the economy still tanking downward.
No New Year's glasses are sold because no one can figure out where the eyes will go.
Time for some new year's predictions :D
January
Obama will be sworn in. By the end of the month Republicans will already be blaming the country's problems on him.
February
Springlike weather will arrive early this year.
March
School shooting results in a federal ban on ammunition.
April
Steve Jobs will finally admit that he has declining health and may not live much longer.
May
Religious extremists bomb abortion clinics.
June
Scientists warn of drought and the hottest summer in recorded history.
Summer starts off with a "bang".
July
The LHC will be delayed due to another malfunction.
Some countries withdraw their support.
August
Severe drought will cause food and water shortages around the world.
Many die.
September
More threats of terrorism coming from some surprising sources.
October
A kid is killed in Alaska for dressing as a polar bear for Halloween.
November
Christmas decorations are put up near the beginning of the month instead of waiting until after Thanksgiving.
Even more "Black-Friday" violence that no one seems to react to.
December
Smaller holiday season this year with the economy still tanking downward.
No New Year's glasses are sold because no one can figure out where the eyes will go.
November 13, 2008
New Toilet?
Yesterday I read this article about the space station getting a new toilet.
Last night, however, I had a dream that I was living on the space station and we got in an argument about where the toilet would go.
Damn remodeling arguments.
Eventually NASA got fed up and told us we couldn't have a new toilet after all.
Last night, however, I had a dream that I was living on the space station and we got in an argument about where the toilet would go.
Damn remodeling arguments.
Eventually NASA got fed up and told us we couldn't have a new toilet after all.
August 30, 2008
Dish of the Day
Novah reminded me of this clip from the original Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
At the 5:30 mark we meet the "Dish of the Day" a genetically engineered animal that's intelligent and actually wants to be eaten.
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